literature

The Three Blades - Part 2

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I sat in my dorm room, reading one of my textbooks waiting for Will and Greta to show up. Will had been my best friend since day one at Tetrade, we’ve always been partners in crime, except we don’t really commit any crimes, save for messing around with an illicit potion every now and then. Greta is his girlfriend, and she is a bit eccentric, but a nice person nonetheless. She always wore one of those big pointy witch hats, so I always had a hunch she both expected and hoped for this place to be exactly like Hogwarts.

Finally, I hear a knock on the door, “Who is it?”

“Greta the Great and her sidekick, Will the Adequate!” I heard a proud female voice announce. She referred to herself as that, because you know, eccentric. That and ‘Greta’ and ‘Great’ conveniently have the same letters in them. Will was less than amused with his nickname.

“Come on in,” I say, closing the textbook and placing it on my desk.

The couple walks in and Will closes the door behind them. “You said I was more than Adequate last night!”

“I was faking it, dear.”

Sure enough, Greta had her trademark hat. She also had glasses and hair dyed some unnatural shade of red. No idea what her natural color was. Aside from that, I thought she had a nice figure, but lacked some of the curvature that made me go crazy for Emily. Will was a tad shorter and bulkier than myself, and had wavy, dirty blonde hair.

“So, you said your brother sent you another experiment? What is it?” Will asked, pretending he didn’t hear Greta’s last comment.

“Ah, yes,” I replied. I guided them both in front of my bed, with their backs to my closet door, and had them stand side by side. I knelt down and reached under my bed, carefully grabbing a hold of something, and then slowly stood up. Now in position, I quickly turned around.

“BOO!” Emily’s head, which now rested in my hands, yelled.

“OH SHIT!” Will screamed, Greta simply let out a high pitch squeal.

Just then, the two of them felt someone poking their shoulders, which prompted them to turn around and see Emily’s body, who had sneaked out of the closet, waving happily at them. This caused them to let out another round of profanity and screaming, and we all heard an angry knock on the wall from the neighboring dorm room with an accompanying yell to keep the noise down. Me and Emily were laughing our asses off while Will and Greta were practically hyperventilating. I high-fived my headless friend and handed her head to her her, which she tucked under her arm.

“W-what the hell is going on here?” Will asked nervously.

“My brother’s invention, it cuts people without hurting them.” I explained.

“And you can still control... yourself?” Greta asked Emily.

“Yup, but it takes some getting used to. My body fell right over and I had to relearn how to walk without my head attached.”

“Can I try?” Greta turned to me.

I nodded and asked, “You want to have your head lopped off, too, or do you wanna try something else?”

She brought a finger to her chin to think it over and replied, “I want to be cut in half, like that old magic show trick.”

“Then it shall be!” I motioned for her to lie down on my bed, which she did, and rolled her shirt up slightly to bare her midriff. I reached under my bed again, this time grabbing the box with the blades, and pulled out the purple one. Resting the flat of the blade on top of my open palms, I knelt down and presented it to Will, “It’s only fair that Will the Adequate be the magician for this trick!”

Will sighed and picked up the blade by the handle. Me and Emily smiled knowing full well what the purple blade did while poor Will and Greta assumed it was the same blade used to behead Emily. Will carefully sliced into Greta’s stomach. It was taking longer, given the area was much thicker than a neck or wrist.

“This feels weeeeeeird.” Greta commented.

“Does it hurt?” A concerned Will paused to ask.

“Not at all.”

A few seconds later, and Greta was in two pieces. She propped her upper half up on her elbows and frowned, “Hey, why can’t I feel my legs? I thought I’d be able to move them like Emily moves her body!”

Before I could say anything, her lower half suddenly springs up and jumped off the bed. I had assumed that, like Emily's body, her legs would not have the power to balance on their own at first, but boy was I wrong. Her lower half ran full speed right into the wall with a loud thud, which knocked her on her butt. Maybe giving body parts a mind of their own magically makes them function like they’ve always been that way. As my brother would say, this requires further investigation!

“SOMEONE STOP MY LEGS!” Greta screamed at the top of her lungs while her lower half got back up on its feet. This time it ran straight at Emily and crashed into her, causing her to drop her head, which Greta’s legs kicked and sent sliding under my bed. Emily’s body immediately fell to her hands and knees from the dizziness.

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON, MAN?!” A distraught Will asked.

Just then the door swung open, revealing my irate neighbor, “WOULD YOU PEOPLE SHUT UP! I’M TRYING TO-” he looked around the room and saw Emily’s headless body, Greta’s upper half lying on my bed, and her lower half running around aimlessly. He fainted, leaving the door wide open for Greta’s legs to bolt out of my dorm room.

“Ooooh shit.” I said following as fast as I could, as did Will after dropping the purple blade.

“What’s going on?” Emily’s head asked from somewhere under my bed.

Thankfully, no one else was in the hallway at the time, otherwise we may have started a mass hysteria. Greta’s legs had a good head start, and an apparent advantage in not being weighed down by an upper half, because damn she was fast. The legs ran around the corner, and when Will and I rounded it, we found it struggling with the staircase.

“Oh good, it doesn’t understand stairs.” I breathed a sigh of relief.

“This is all too weird. Let’s just get Greta back together.” Will said.

As we approached Greta’s lower half, it stood up and raised a leg, only to put it down and stumble. All in all, it only made it up a few steps before we finally caught up. I grabbed her by the ankles while Will grabbed her hips. Together, despite her trying to kick herself free, we finally managed to make it back to my dorm room. When we entered the room, we saw Emily’s lower half poking out from under my bed while Greta curiously peaked her head over the side of the bed.

“Good news, everyone! We got Greta’s legs back!” I said, yes, in Farnsworth’s voice.

“I can’t find myself!” Emily’s voice complained from somewhere under the bed while she tried to force herself further under.

“We’ll help you as soon as we get Greta together. Damn it, Greta, stop kicking me!” I teased her.

“Even unattached and with a mind of their own, they still do what I would in this situation.” She retorted.

Greta laid on her back while me and Will tried to line up her halves, but her lower half’s struggling made it impossible, “Hold on, I have an idea.” I pulled out the box of blades while Will held her legs down. Now wielding the blue/red blade, I sliced through Greta’s thighs. Good thing she was wearing shorts! Her legs fell away and stopped moving, so I guess I had the red side down(wasn’t paying attention, to be honest), while her leg stumps continued to wiggle around uselessly.

Will grabbed her hips and pushed them against her waist, the cut line disappeared and Greta sat up. “Ah, that’s better. A little” She said while eying her motionless legs, “Okay, so the first blade made my lower half go crazy, that second blade made my legs go limp, so how come Emily can control her body?”

“I’ll explain everything after we get Em’s head out from under there.” I said.

Will reattached Greta’s legs, and afterwards she stood up and wiggled her hips back and forth, happy to be back in one piece. With that out of the way, me and Will both got on opposite ends of the bed and lifted it up. Emily crawled backwards while Greta retrieved her head.

“I feel like saying don’t lose your head is pretty much obligatory here.” Greta told Emily.

“Don’t laugh your ass off at your own joke, I don’t think the boys feel like chasing it again.” She shot back.

Greta gave Emily her head back, and in turn, I handed my brother’s note to her. She stood next to Will and they read it.

“So, uh, you’re not mad, are you?” I nervously asked.

Greta laughed, that can’t be a good sign, “Oh, you know me, I don’t get mad. I get even!” She somehow managed to adjust her glasses so the sun hit them perfectly, making her eyes unseeable behind the glare. Yep, not a good sign at all. This prompted Emily to reattach her head. “For now, I’d just like to borrow the blue and red sword for the night.”

“Yeah, sure. Just be more careful than we were just now.” I said. I wrapped the blade up in a blanket and handed it to her.

“Come, Will, we are going to use this to have some fun tonight.” She smiled wickedly and walked out of the room. Will followed, not sure if he should be aroused or scared. I’d be both if I were him.

“So, it’s getting late now,” Emily said, “Promise we can play with the swords more tomorrow? Maybe not the purple one, though...”

“Yeah, sure...” I replied. "We should definitely file the purple one away for now." She hugged me and was off on her merry little way.

“What the hell did you get me into, Jason?” I asked while dragging my neighbor back into his room and plopping him on his bed. I'll make up a story about how he just stressed himself out way too much from studying.
Be careful with that purple sword...
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energeticexponent's avatar
Out of curiosity, what would happen if the purple blade were used to separate one down the corpus callosum?